Submission in Marriage
Today I received a message from a girl who is in a relationship with the man she will most likely marry in the future. Growing up in the church, she has heard differing messages about the role submission plays in a marriage. Her conclusion was "I just don't understand the concept anymore and I need you to help me... can you explain it in a way that I can understand?" I think her state clearly exemplifies where a lot of young women in the Church find themselves on this topic. In a world when submission is seen as something negative or mis-interpreted as male domination, many women who honestly want to glorify God just "don't understand the concept anymore" and are asking for help. Below is my response to this young lady's honest inquiry (with a few things changed to protect her identity). I hope maybe it can be helpful to someone else as well.
Submission is NOT wrong. It's BIBLICAL! Very Biblical! Only not in the way you have sometimes heard it approached. Many have a skewed idea about submission (namely that it means that a woman's role is just to do whatever her husband desires)--but it is NOT wrong to emphasize submission for a healthy marriage! In fact, submission is all over the place in Scripture. Within the Trinity, the Son and the Spirit submit to the Father--and they are all co-equally God!
It comes down to this question. What is love? Real love? Is it just the way you feel when you're around a person you're close with? Or is it more? Obviously, you know it's more. But our clearest pictures of love come from the Trinity and God's love for us. The Trinity is made up of the three Persons of God who all exist in constant communion of SELF-GIVING LOVE. Jesus demonstrated God's love for us, that while we were still sinners, He DIED FOR US. See the theme? Love means giving of yourself. Love means sacrifice. Love means putting someone else first. And guess what? That's what submission is! Putting someone else first!
Check out Ephesians chapter 5. More than likely, your Bible puts a division between verse 21 and verse 22. That division wasn't there in the original Greek manuscripts. If you read 21 as the first verse of the section to follow rather than as the last verse of the previous section, it totally casts this typical "submission in marriage" passage in a new light. Who is submitting to who here? Well, it says we should submit to one another as Christians--and then it says a wife should submit to her husband as the Church to Christ, and then a husband should love his wife as Christ loved the Church. How did Christ love the Church? He died for her! That's the glory of the cross--Christ--who was God--DIED for us. He submitted to the ultimate point of death out of love for us! THAT is powerful. And the people of that day definitely caught the analogy--when a man was culturally considered to have so much authority over his wife--and Paul is saying--"You think you have authority? Well then--how about you handle your "authority" the way Christ did--she's going to submit to you, so you submit to her to the point of death for her betterment." This is where a lot of people miss it, in thinking submission is only from wife to husband. That's what sets a lot of women off. BUT...
Just because submission is a two-way street doesn't mean you tell him to submit to you. :) Adding the responsibility of submission on the guy's end does NOT negate the responsibility of submission on the gal's end. See what I mean? Just because he should submit too--doesn't mean you no longer have to. __(Name)__, out of true, holy, and Christ-like love for __(Name)__, he has to come FIRST to you. Now this is tricky... cause if I were talking to a teenage couple who were just dating--I'd tell them to be ever so careful not to build their world around their partner. And yes, your whole life shouldn't be him. But if you are entering into marriage with him, then you should be more about him than you are yourself. His best has to come first. Often this boils down to an issue of trust--do you trust your partner's character and love for you enough to trust that they will put you first as you put them first? Two people can't fight for their own rights in a marriage--that leads straight to divorce. Rather, they have to fight FOR EACH OTHER. That leads to 50th wedding anniversaries and the angels in heaven looking on in awe at the most perfect metaphor of Christ's relationship with the Church.
Let me know if this all helps--and spend some time in Ephesians 5.
Submission is NOT wrong. It's BIBLICAL! Very Biblical! Only not in the way you have sometimes heard it approached. Many have a skewed idea about submission (namely that it means that a woman's role is just to do whatever her husband desires)--but it is NOT wrong to emphasize submission for a healthy marriage! In fact, submission is all over the place in Scripture. Within the Trinity, the Son and the Spirit submit to the Father--and they are all co-equally God!
It comes down to this question. What is love? Real love? Is it just the way you feel when you're around a person you're close with? Or is it more? Obviously, you know it's more. But our clearest pictures of love come from the Trinity and God's love for us. The Trinity is made up of the three Persons of God who all exist in constant communion of SELF-GIVING LOVE. Jesus demonstrated God's love for us, that while we were still sinners, He DIED FOR US. See the theme? Love means giving of yourself. Love means sacrifice. Love means putting someone else first. And guess what? That's what submission is! Putting someone else first!
Check out Ephesians chapter 5. More than likely, your Bible puts a division between verse 21 and verse 22. That division wasn't there in the original Greek manuscripts. If you read 21 as the first verse of the section to follow rather than as the last verse of the previous section, it totally casts this typical "submission in marriage" passage in a new light. Who is submitting to who here? Well, it says we should submit to one another as Christians--and then it says a wife should submit to her husband as the Church to Christ, and then a husband should love his wife as Christ loved the Church. How did Christ love the Church? He died for her! That's the glory of the cross--Christ--who was God--DIED for us. He submitted to the ultimate point of death out of love for us! THAT is powerful. And the people of that day definitely caught the analogy--when a man was culturally considered to have so much authority over his wife--and Paul is saying--"You think you have authority? Well then--how about you handle your "authority" the way Christ did--she's going to submit to you, so you submit to her to the point of death for her betterment." This is where a lot of people miss it, in thinking submission is only from wife to husband. That's what sets a lot of women off. BUT...
Just because submission is a two-way street doesn't mean you tell him to submit to you. :) Adding the responsibility of submission on the guy's end does NOT negate the responsibility of submission on the gal's end. See what I mean? Just because he should submit too--doesn't mean you no longer have to. __(Name)__, out of true, holy, and Christ-like love for __(Name)__, he has to come FIRST to you. Now this is tricky... cause if I were talking to a teenage couple who were just dating--I'd tell them to be ever so careful not to build their world around their partner. And yes, your whole life shouldn't be him. But if you are entering into marriage with him, then you should be more about him than you are yourself. His best has to come first. Often this boils down to an issue of trust--do you trust your partner's character and love for you enough to trust that they will put you first as you put them first? Two people can't fight for their own rights in a marriage--that leads straight to divorce. Rather, they have to fight FOR EACH OTHER. That leads to 50th wedding anniversaries and the angels in heaven looking on in awe at the most perfect metaphor of Christ's relationship with the Church.
Let me know if this all helps--and spend some time in Ephesians 5.
posted by Amber Janelle Livermore at 6:02 AM
2 comments
